Chad Taylor offers a sarcastic bravo to Democrats: ‘you saved democracy, all right; you just forgot to save the people living in it’

Chad Taylor
owner and publisher
The Chronicle

Well, congratulations, Democrats, you did it. You saved democracy. I didn’t think I’d even get to vote this year. After all, I was told Trump had already declared himself emperor, dissolved Congress and turned the U.S. Supreme Court into his personal Yelp review board. The media said democracy was “hanging by a thread,” which, apparently, is Washington, D.C., code for “we lost an election.”

But then it happened, a ballot showed up in my mailbox. Just like magic. No imperial guard, no king’s decree, no Trump riding through town on a golden chariot demanding tribute. Just a plain old ballot, right there next to the Safeway coupon flyer and the “final notice” from the power company. Turns out, the “No Kings” protest worked! I can only assume someone in Olympia held a candlelight vigil in front of a Starbucks and restored the republic. Who knew democracy could be resurrected with a few cardboard signs and a drum circle?

And it wasn’t just voting. Freedom is roaring back, baby! I can still speak my mind, although it usually earns me a 24-hour suspension from Facebook and a warning that I “violated community standards” for quoting the Constitution.

I was told women lost all their rights, but the women I know still seem to be doing whatever they want, whenever they want, including running companies, raising families and occasionally (always) reminding us who’s really in charge.

They said books were being “banned,” but the only ones anyone’s actually upset about are the ones with cartoon sex scenes sitting on the lower shelves at the public library, right next to the picture books. You really saved us on that one, Democrats. Way to keep those explicit novels within arm’s reach of a third grader. You’re on a roll. Thank goodness you stopped that dangerous extremist, Sean Swope, the man who dared to suggest maybe kids shouldn’t learn anatomy from the graphic novel section.

I was assured that Trump’s supporters were basically Nazis. Meanwhile, the people screaming about fascism are the ones demanding speech codes, political loyalty oaths and government-approved “misinformation boards.” You can’t make it up, but they do, daily.

I can still buy a gun, as long as I pass a background check, a cooling-off period, a moral character test and an emotional support evaluation from a state-certified therapist. My church doors are open. My wife voted. And democracy, the fragile flower that is somehow surviving Trump, Twitter and Taylor Swift’s voter drives, still blooms.

So again, congratulations, Democrats. You saved democracy. You fought tyranny. You toppled the king. You marched in pink hats, cried on TikTok and bought every “Democracy Dies in Darkness” mug the Washington Post could print.

And for your heroic efforts, we, the proud citizens of Washington, were rewarded with one of the largest tax increases in state history, and the comforting promise that they’ll “need more next year.” We now enjoy the right to pay $4-plus for gas (thanks, Climate Commitment Act!), 8% on a mortgage, and the new payroll tax for long-term care.

So bravo, Democrats — you saved democracy, all right. You just forgot to save the people living in it.

Chad Taylor is co-owner and publisher of The Chronicle. He can be reached at chad@chronline.com.

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